Do you want to drink beer or watch TV to relax? Or do you want to read books in bed? That's lovely. Because I can be your partner who loves reading and drinking beer, though I have to admit red wine is better. You know what else I fancy in bed? A goo...

Young men make me cream crackered. Emotionally and physically. They tyre you out because of there tenacity and agility. Now I think older men are much better and they have more to offer fancy passion and maturity when ye 're both in bed.

Winter is the season I look forward to the most because I have an excuse to warm myself up by the fireplace. By that I meant I get to shag a buff lad, who is much younger than me, brain out beside the fire all night long. The added bonus is that nigh...

I love putting makeup on my face. I don't care if I pop into a shop or a grocery for 20 minutes. I have to have my makeup, simple yet classy, just like Catherine's, the duchess of Cambridge. I never want to look like a slapper.

Whenever a lad hits up on me and asks me where I came from, I always tell them I came from a floating island in Gulliver's Travels. They laugh. Those little bastards don't know it's Laputa. Guess I'll have to change my address, whaddya think?

I want to escape the real world, and go to a different world where flirting and having sex is not seen as immoral. I'd be chuffed if a bloke can lick my arse any time or if he can drink from my strawberry creams.